Spiritual abuse often occurs when a pastor or Christian leader oversteps the boundaries of their role. But pastors and their families can also experience spiritual abuse. When those meant to come alongside them in ministry turn against them, it can bring confusion and shame. Charlaine Martin, a seasoned pastor’s wife, recounts the tragic true story of spiritual abuse in the rural church where she and her husband served. 

Even when Tanyka Abbott resisted trusting God after the trauma of spiritual abuse, it didn’t deter Him from healing her. God heard her confusion, her fears, and her doubts, and welcomed her into His presence, offering His mercy, grace, and compassion.  In time, she could offer forgiveness and God’s hope to her abusers. Eventually, she began ministering to pastors and ministry leaders–the same kind of people who had so deeply harmed her. It is a miracle of God’s grace.

Shame can make us want to hide.  In hiding, we believe our shame will not be seen, and then we will be valued. Spiritual abuse brings shame. Those who are to be our protectors instead are our offenders. Tanyka Abbott, LCSW, shares how a date rape by a pastor followed by the leadership telling her to cover it up, brought confusion and an identity of shame instead of believing God for her worth.

The aftereffects of spiritual abuse are many. Chief among them are shame, self-doubt, and an understandable reluctance to trust God and spiritual authority. Josh Patterson felt all of those effects in his life after his experiences of spiritual abuse. He learns that Jesus identifies with us in the pain of sin. Jesus died for the sin of spiritual abuse so that we can heal and know Him as He is.

Betrayal can happen anywhere, including in the church.  Experiencing rejection and abuse by church leadership creates mistrust and can birth shame. Podcaster and former pastor, Josh Patterson, shares his heartbreaking journey of spiritual abuse, once in his teen years, and later, in the church where he served on the pastoral staff. 

Dr. Ryan Mullins, lecturer at the University of Lucerne, shares how he exposed the spiritual abuse of his doctoral supervisor and began a journey of truth, healing, and faith. Though the road to vindication continues, Ryan’s story reveals God’s unwavering faithfulness and redemptive power.

When a student attends a respected university and is assigned a supervisor for their doctoral work, the student rightfully assumes the professor’s integrity to do the job, especially when that professor claims to be a Christian. Ryan Mullins, a brilliant and talented academic, eventually discovered that his supervisor could not be trusted. He manipulated, lied, hid, and wreaked havoc on Ryan’s schooling and future career. At first, Ryan didn’t discern what was going on. In time, his eyes began to open to the enormity of the problem.

In this episode, I begin a new series on spiritual abuse, exploring God’s good design for spiritual authority and how it can be distorted by unhealthy leadership. I share how to recognize the signs of spiritual abuse and how the journey toward healing can begin. My hope is that this message brings clarity, comfort, and renewed faith in God’s goodness.

Where else do we go when the trauma of life overwhelms, but to Jesus?  He alone knows the severity of our wounds.  He alone is greater than the sin done against us. Jolie Nabigondo’s wartime horror could have left her in ruins forever. This was not her experience. She returns to share how trusting Jesus to bring healing and forgiveness resulting in a life of freedom and redemption.  

Most of us can only imagine the horrors of war,, but for many around the world, it is daily reality. Jolie Nabigondo, born and raised in Congo, has lived through what she calls not a war, but a genocide. Like the Holocaust of World War II, the ethnic cleansing in her homeland has taken countless innocent lives and left unimaginable trauma in its wake.

Blanche DiDomenico wanted to honor and love her parents, but found it tricky because of the history of neglect and abuse Blanche experienced from them.  She forgave them, but they had not changed even when she did because of Jesus. Blanche shares some of her journey to learn how to set boundaries and yet be there for them in healthy appropriate ways. God was faithful to teach her so that she could then pass on to others what she learned.

A child who lives with fear needs to focus on safety rather than on normal childhood activities.  They often believe they’ve missed out on their childhood. Blanche DiDomenico shares her story of living without a present father and with an angry mother who harmed her through physical and verbal abuse. As a Filipino-American, she wanted to honor her mother and father, but wondered how.  She shares the early part of her journey in this episode.

The miracle of forgiveness is real.  How else could the one who was despitefully used be able to pray that her abuser might know Jesus and go to heaven when he died?  With God all things are possible. Author, speaker, and certified life coach, Rhonda James Woolard tells what God did in her as she forgave.  She now shares the hope of forgiveness wherever she goes.

Author, speaker, and certified life coach, Rhonda James Woolard tells her story of being betrayed by both her step-father who sexually abused her and her mother who chose herself over protecting her daughter.  Rhonda felt unwanted and alone, without hope for the future.  In time, God began to bring healing through facing what she experienced. 

When one parent lashes out with verbal savagery and the other parent goes passive, how does a child learn to cope?  Author Daryl Potter coped by creating a figurative steel rod within him fueled by anger that masked his shame.  Later, when his daughter’s extreme physical suffering shaped his and his family’s life, Daryl needed deep answers to his questions that only God could provide.

Though author Daryl Potter was raised in a home where Christian principles were taught, significant needs went unmet which caused him to unknowingly live in shame. Guardedness was a way of life which created confusion for coworkers and friends.  When a family member came into his life to speak words of love and acceptance, it broke through the walls he had created to protect his heart.  

 After she was date-raped as a teen, Emma discovered she was pregnant.  What would she do? Where would she turn?  How could she go on? Was this God’s punishment to her for her youthful rebellious choices?  Emma slowly learned to know and experience God’s grace in all of her broken places. It began to free her heart and eventually opened the door for her to share His grace with others.

As a teenager, Emma stepped out from under her parent’s protection, and a date rape happened.  Emma blamed herself for the harm. She believed it was her fault. The shame of the violation on top of the guilt for her choices caused her to hide, leaving her feeling alone and afraid.  Even decades after the violation, she feels the emotion of her experience.  Trauma can affect us like that. Yet God never left her, and hope was on the horizon. 

Elly Brown, LPC, shares her story of healing and how God led her to become a trauma therapist, bringing redemption and hope to those who are hurting.  

When sexual abuse happens regularly, it feels normal to the child.  They are never safe.  When a parent then chooses the perpetrator over the child, it sends a destructive message to the child that they are not worth protecting.  Elly Brown, LPC, shares her story of childhood trauma.  Little did she know that God would have a future ahead of profound redemption.