In this episode, I begin a new series on spiritual abuse, exploring God’s good design for spiritual authority and how it can be distorted by unhealthy leadership. I share how to recognize the signs of spiritual abuse and how the journey toward healing can begin. My hope is that this message brings clarity, comfort, and renewed faith in God’s goodness.

Where else do we go when the trauma of life overwhelms, but to Jesus?  He alone knows the severity of our wounds.  He alone is greater than the sin done against us. Jolie Nabigondo’s wartime horror could have left her in ruins forever. This was not her experience. She returns to share how trusting Jesus to bring healing and forgiveness resulting in a life of freedom and redemption.  

Most of us can only imagine the horrors of war,, but for many around the world, it is daily reality. Jolie Nabigondo, born and raised in Congo, has lived through what she calls not a war, but a genocide. Like the Holocaust of World War II, the ethnic cleansing in her homeland has taken countless innocent lives and left unimaginable trauma in its wake.

Blanche DiDomenico wanted to honor and love her parents, but found it tricky because of the history of neglect and abuse Blanche experienced from them.  She forgave them, but they had not changed even when she did because of Jesus. Blanche shares some of her journey to learn how to set boundaries and yet be there for them in healthy appropriate ways. God was faithful to teach her so that she could then pass on to others what she learned.

A child who lives with fear needs to focus on safety rather than on normal childhood activities.  They often believe they’ve missed out on their childhood. Blanche DiDomenico shares her story of living without a present father and with an angry mother who harmed her through physical and verbal abuse. As a Filipino-American, she wanted to honor her mother and father, but wondered how.  She shares the early part of her journey in this episode.

The miracle of forgiveness is real.  How else could the one who was despitefully used be able to pray that her abuser might know Jesus and go to heaven when he died?  With God all things are possible. Author, speaker, and certified life coach, Rhonda James Woolard tells what God did in her as she forgave.  She now shares the hope of forgiveness wherever she goes.

Author, speaker, and certified life coach, Rhonda James Woolard tells her story of being betrayed by both her step-father who sexually abused her and her mother who chose herself over protecting her daughter.  Rhonda felt unwanted and alone, without hope for the future.  In time, God began to bring healing through facing what she experienced. 

When one parent lashes out with verbal savagery and the other parent goes passive, how does a child learn to cope?  Author Daryl Potter coped by creating a figurative steel rod within him fueled by anger that masked his shame.  Later, when his daughter’s extreme physical suffering shaped his and his family’s life, Daryl needed deep answers to his questions that only God could provide.

Though author Daryl Potter was raised in a home where Christian principles were taught, significant needs went unmet which caused him to unknowingly live in shame. Guardedness was a way of life which created confusion for coworkers and friends.  When a family member came into his life to speak words of love and acceptance, it broke through the walls he had created to protect his heart.  

 After she was date-raped as a teen, Emma discovered she was pregnant.  What would she do? Where would she turn?  How could she go on? Was this God’s punishment to her for her youthful rebellious choices?  Emma slowly learned to know and experience God’s grace in all of her broken places. It began to free her heart and eventually opened the door for her to share His grace with others.

As a teenager, Emma stepped out from under her parent’s protection, and a date rape happened.  Emma blamed herself for the harm. She believed it was her fault. The shame of the violation on top of the guilt for her choices caused her to hide, leaving her feeling alone and afraid.  Even decades after the violation, she feels the emotion of her experience.  Trauma can affect us like that. Yet God never left her, and hope was on the horizon. 

Elly Brown, LPC, shares her story of healing and how God led her to become a trauma therapist, bringing redemption and hope to those who are hurting.  

When sexual abuse happens regularly, it feels normal to the child.  They are never safe.  When a parent then chooses the perpetrator over the child, it sends a destructive message to the child that they are not worth protecting.  Elly Brown, LPC, shares her story of childhood trauma.  Little did she know that God would have a future ahead of profound redemption.  

God doesn’t waste anything. Every adverse childhood experience can be redeemed for eternal good.  As Shequan Palmer shares how God directed her young adult life, it is clear that He was in every step, guiding her toward His purposes. She now helps others experience the dignity and beauty God created in them, giving them hope for tomorrow.

In the eyes of many, Shequan Palmer should have been a statistic. On the adverse childhood experiences scale, she registered at nine out of ten. She witnessed and experienced terrible physical violence, was sexually abused, and her mother was murdered when Shequan was five years old. When she became pregnant at age 16, she turned to God, even though she had no knowledge of Him and His ways.  He heard her cry. A new life began.

Trauma can turn our worlds upside down.  We can experience acute, chronic, or complex trauma that affects our daily functioning.  The effects of trauma show up at work, in families, and in relationships. We were not built with the ability to absorb it.  We can experience healing through trauma treatment, and in trusted grace-filled environments that create relational safety. Our God is a healer, even in the most broken places of our lives.

The pathway to healing after infidelity isn’t an easy one.  Nor is it quick.  But when the offender and the offended are both willing to surrender the process to God, healing can happen.  Humility, obedience, forgiveness, and repentance are all a part of it.  Having a support system is also important.  Sarah courageously shares what happened in her marriage after infidelity, and also tells how God redeemed their story for the good of many.

When Sarah’s husband disclosed his infidelity, she went into shock.  Her body, mind, and heart went into trauma response. Amidst the crisis, she lived moment by moment, day by day, leaning into God and trusted friends like never before. Along the way, she learned helpful tools that strengthened and sustained her. God was at work, preparing her for the redemption of her life.

Infidelity is perhaps the most destructive betrayal that can happen within a marriage.  It sends a message to the offended one that they are unworthy of honor and respect. It brings shame and deep hurt. God’s design for oneness is attacked. Our God is greater than the most destructive sin, and in Him there is hope.  

Healing from severe trauma doesn’t happen overnight.  It is a process.  All things are possible with God, yet it takes time. Lisa shares how God met her to slowly replace the lies of shame that came as a result of her experience of domestic abuse, with His truth.  She began to understand that this painful part of her story didn’t define her.  Her identity was and is in Christ and what He says is true about her.