Though shame is a universal experience, how it shows up in individuals varies. It can depend on factors like personality and history. It is also true that men and women can respond to shame in ways unique to their gender. Understanding these differences can help us be gracious in how we interpret and judge one another. This can bring healing and hope to relationships and families.

As Wayne Jacobsen understood more of his wife’s past trauma, he grasped that her pain was their pain. He chose to walk with her and do whatever he could to make her feel safe. Doing so gave greater beauty to the reality of what Jesus has done for us to bring healing to our souls. God doesn’t stand idly by when trauma touches us, He enters the pain with us, and offers His great love, comfort, and grace.

After 46 years of marriage, Wayne Jacobsen’s wife left him. Because even she didn’t yet understand the effect of trauma on her, it skewed her interpretation of their marriage. In the days that followed, Wayne set everything aside in his life and focused on her. He wanted to understand what was going on, loving her well, and winning her trust. It began to bring healing to her heart.

Anne Wooten, a life coach and author, found herself in bondage to her inner critic, so much so that she became her own persecutor. Experiencing God’s forgiveness and learning to forgive herself began to set her free from the prison she created for herself. But when she learned to live in her identity in Christ, she understood her value because of how God valued her.

Life Coach and author, Anne Wooten, grew up in a home where love was given but never articulated. It confused her and created shame within her, as she wondered why other parents could tell their children they were loved, but her parents never did. An inner critic developed within her as she blamed herself for the lack. Bitterness set in, and self-hatred followed.

There isn’t a finish line after one walks through the healing journey from shame. We continue learning and maturing, growing into the design that God has for our lives.  Melissa Gendreau, LMHC, wanted that for herself and for the people she influenced. For years she helped people heal from the issues of their past. Now she helps people move forward into their tomorrows with joy and purpose.

A shy and quiet young girl learned to seek acceptance through performance and trying to be perfect. She experienced shame through a teenage romance gone wrong. Yet even as a youth, she felt called by God to help the hurting. Melissa Gendreau came to know Jesus and began to understand that her self-assessment was incorrect. With time and practice, she started to believe that she was who God says she was.

After Margaret Maxey Ellis confessed her affair to her husband, the long journey of rebuilding trust began. His innocence helped her to keep the focus on him, caring for him as he worked through the betrayal. In the process, Margaret came to know God and His grace, which changed her. She began to have a heart for women who, like her, had been unfaithful in their marriage. God’s grace is greater than sin, and she now extends that hope to others.

Margaret Maxey Ellis grew up believing that if she was a good girl, obeying all the rules and ticking off the right boxes, she would be safe. She would be righteous and acceptable to God and others. Then life hit, and challenges in her marriage created a vulnerability that opened the door to an affair. Shame followed, as did God’s mercy and grace.

Author and ministry leader, Michelle Thooft, knew she needed to be free of the lies of shame and self-hatred that had caused so much damage in her physical health as well as her relationships. She needed to have a change of mindset instead of leaning over the cliff of regret and grief. She began a practice of taking every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). As a result, healthy living took over where shame once dwelled.

Without full awareness, author Michelle Thooft carried self-hatred for her past wrongs. Her high capacity and spiritual influence masked the emotional turmoil that eventually damaged her body. When she became significantly ill, it was time to face the messages she told herself. Healing prayer created the first steps of healing.

Jason Castleberry could have remained in the pain of shame, PTSD, and regret after his military service, but God pursued him and saved him. Knowing Jesus changed everything. He went from living in isolation without purpose or joy, to experiencing fulfillment and freedom. His heart to share with others what God can do led him to become a pastor, shepherding people to know the God who healed him.

Jason Castleberry served in the military as a UAV (Drone) operator, and experienced the hell of war. Witnessing the destruction of lives and living under the pressure to perform affected him deeply. It would have been traumatic for anyone. He came home with PTSD and great regret that he could no longer serve his country as he once did. He didn’t know how to live anymore. He needed God’s help.

Receiving God’s personal care and love, then trusting His perfect sovereignty, enabled Krystal O’Neal to believe that her relationship status didn’t define her. It freed her from comparison and the shame that fueled it. She could then surrender to God in whatever He had for her in the future. She could then enjoy life as it came, because of her confidence in Christ.

Author and podcaster Krystal O’Neal came from a loving, healthy, and stable Christian home. With parents who modeled a Godly life and invested in her to help her develop her own personal relationship with Jesus, she had everything going for her. She assumed she would one day be married and living as a wife and mother. It has yet to happen. Shame followed. Questions arose. Was there something wrong with her? Had she failed in some way? As she believed God’s love, self-condemnation could free her.

We don’t always connect our negative behavior patterns and mindsets with the hurts of the past. We may believe those character defects are personality quirks or family traits. Instead, they are symptoms of the shame that fuels them. Naming them for what they are and then inviting God to bring healing to the hurt buried under the shame begins to bring healing. God wants to restore our souls.

Marilyn Johnson, speaker, ministry founder, and author, explains how God heals, as written in her book, Divine Revelation: The Ten Ways God Heals. She shares how prayer, healthy church relationships, wisdom, and other of God’s ways bring about the restoration of our lives after we have been harmed by sin. God’s hope is there for us as we learn to trust Him.

A lack of protection and relational tools left author, speaker, and ministry founder Marilyn Johnson naive and vulnerable. Pregnant at age 18 by a man in his 30’s left her isolated and afraid. The church looked down on her and her parents didn’t have the maturity to help her. God challenged her to walk with Him and she said yes. She experienced His love and grace, and she began to have deep intimacy with Him. She now shares the journey with others.

As Mags Ohmes grew relationally with trusted brothers and sisters in Christ, she began to heal from her shame. Through support groups and good friends, she learned that she was worthy of love and acceptance. Affirmation of her strengths and heart by good friends helped her to see herself accurately. Gratitude began to shift her focus from shame to grace.

Mags Ohmes has delightful memories from her early childhood, but when adulting skills needed to be taught, her parents couldn’t give her what they didn’t have. This resulted in dysfunctional relational dynamics for Mags that took her down a path of destruction. When she met Jesus, the healing began.