During the slow recovery process from living with an abusive husband who was a pastor, Terrie focused on survival. Yet God moved to restore her soul and reveal His true heart for her. Scripture, which was once distorted by her pastor husband, became life-giving to her. She learned that God cherished her and met her every need. Now she teaches others what God taught her, and it is changing lives.

When Terrie Tollerson married a pastor who abused her, she didn’t know where to turn. Who could help her? She believed the distortions of what she had learned about what it meant to be a supportive Christian wife. She carried deep shame, blaming herself for what her husband did. She thought she was responsible for his addictive and abusive behaviors. After all, he blamed her, too. She escaped with her children, and trusted God to begin a new life.

The journey of healing from shame happens day by day, step by step. God doesn’t ask us to heal ourselves. Since shame is a result of sin, healing from shame requires a healing that is supernatural. It is a work of God in us. The Holy Spirit uses a number of tools to accomplish that healing. Gratitude, worship, the body of Christ, God’s Word, and His grace bring transformation to our daily lives.

Growing up, Jason Ellis, LMFT, waited by the curb for his dad who never came. A step-dad also disappointed him. Who could he trust? Would any father find value in him? Healing began when he came to know that God adopted him as His own, by His grace, and because of love.

Growing up, Jason Ellis, LMFT, waited by the curb for his dad who never came. A step-dad also disappointed him. Who could he trust? Would any father find value in him? Healing began when he came to know that God adopted him as His own, by His grace, and because of love.

After a turbulent childhood, author and New Zealander, Carolyn Deck, learned to know and trust God. She walked through forgiveness, she made healthy choices, and in so doing, she rose above the turbulence by God’s grace.  As she did, she found her purpose.

When parents are self-focused because of their own brokenness, the children’s needs go unmet. An alcoholic mother and absent father left author Carolyn Deck, a New Zealander, to survive on her own. She took care of her mother instead of her mother nurturing her. When she went away to America as a foreign exchange student, she witnessed a healthy family, and had hope. And God called her in His still small voice, letting her know He would meet her needs.

Cathy Taylor, founder of the ministry, Hurting Moms, Mending Hearts, talks about the process of healing for a hurting mom. She shares about the peace she found through believing God and surrendering to His plans and purposes for her daughter.  She also speaks about the importance of being in a safe community of gracious friends who can offer support and encouragement in Christ.

Cathy Taylor, founder of the ministry, Hurting Moms, Mending Hearts, shares her story of how her daughter’s struggle with addiction and other harmful behaviors turned her world upside down and brought her to Jesus. As a hurting mom herself, she wanted to connect with other women who shared her experience. Thus, the ministry was born, and healing began.

A person who has been rejected or abandoned needs to experience relational attachment in order to heal. Healthy friends and loved ones can aid in that journey. But it is God, as the Ideal Parent, who meets the deepest needs of our hearts and can mend what sin has broken. Robin Taylor returns to share the rest of her story, and how God met her with His tender loving care.

Rejected by her father and merely tolerated by her mother, Robin Taylor, LCSW, longed for attention and love. When anyone simply paid attention to her, she had no discernment about their character, and she gave herself away. Violence, cruelty, and unkindness followed, with no healing for her soul. Only when she came to know Jesus did she begin to understand her worth.

When her happily ever after dream didn’t happen, Casandra Morgan chose dependency on Jesus as a way of life. Step by step, she matured and gained self-respect and a better life for her and her son. After feeling figuratively loved to death by the man who relationally abandoned her, God loved her back to life.

Cassandra Morgan, a self-professed military brat, found what she thought would be life-long friends in high school, including a young man who captured her heart. The military separated them when his family moved across the world. When they reconnected as young adults, she once again fell for him, becoming pregnant. Her fairy tale ended, and a dark time followed. Only God could rescue her by His grace.

God’s relational provision is a miraculous gift. Though his biological father abandoned Matthew Summit as a preschooler, God never did. He knew Matthew’s need, and brought men into his life who committed to him, demonstrating his value and worthiness. In time, Matthew became a youth pastor, committing to students in the same way men stood by him.

Matthew Summit was told he had to be the man of the house at age four, after his mother left his father because of verbal and physical abuse. This began a long journey of believing he didn’t have what it takes. That shame, along with the effects of the relational abandonment by his biological father, took root in his mind and heart. But God never left him, and it began to bring hope to his spirit.

One of our greatest fears as humans is to be abandoned and rejected.  We are designed for relationships, and when others we value discard us, the shame can be great.  The effects of it can keep us from enjoying a full and happy life.  Healing is possible, and God Himself is our great source.  In Him, we belong, and are valued and loved. 

After experiencing spiritual abuse at their first church, it happened again later in their lives for Charlaine Martin and her pastor husband. The betrayal stung just as deep. Again, the leadership in their denomination didn’t stand with them.  Even as her husband began dying of cancer, the church leaders disparaged him.  Through forgiveness, Charlaine could be free of shame. And God was faithful to His Word, vindicating them at the memorial service for her husband.

Spiritual abuse often occurs when a pastor or Christian leader oversteps the boundaries of their role. But pastors and their families can also experience spiritual abuse. When those meant to come alongside them in ministry turn against them, it can bring confusion and shame. Charlaine Martin, a seasoned pastor’s wife, recounts the tragic true story of spiritual abuse in the rural church where she and her husband served. 

Even when Tanyka Abbott resisted trusting God after the trauma of spiritual abuse, it didn’t deter Him from healing her. God heard her confusion, her fears, and her doubts, and welcomed her into His presence, offering His mercy, grace, and compassion.  In time, she could offer forgiveness and God’s hope to her abusers. Eventually, she began ministering to pastors and ministry leaders–the same kind of people who had so deeply harmed her. It is a miracle of God’s grace.

Shame can make us want to hide.  In hiding, we believe our shame will not be seen, and then we will be valued. Spiritual abuse brings shame. Those who are to be our protectors instead are our offenders. Tanyka Abbott, LCSW, shares how a date rape by a pastor followed by the leadership telling her to cover it up, brought confusion and an identity of shame instead of believing God for her worth.